Shaving away excess
Why is it so hard to get rid of things? I am completely guilty of keeping things and lately it’s been pretty frustrating. By no means are we talking hoarder level but the other day I found a T-shirt from when I was in high school sports medicine. I have no earthly idea as to why I still have it but I do. I fell in love with this Netflix series Tidying Up and began evaluating everything in my life on the “Does it Spark Joy” concept.
I don’t know about you but when Im in a rut, cleansing my environment really helps my creativity flow. I started externally with giving clothes to Good Will, cleaning out toys, old books whatever didn’t “Spark Joy”. What really embarrassed me the most about this is how many things I had been holding on to over the years. It was gross the number of black leggings I owned, or how many random T-shirt I had. Things with tags on them, things I bought but never used! And honey, we won’t even start on hair products I have accumulated! Getting rid of these things were hard at first, only because it was exhausting, overwhelming and never ending. Plus the fact I kept fighting with myself that I had wasted money on this or that, but the more I pushed to get it done the easier it started to be and with each bag I felt lighter and lighter.
It oddly became addictive, the freedom I felt getting rid of things gave me a new feeling of confidence to the point I decided to move on to my relationships and family. I had to really consider if those relationships brought me joy as simply as that can be said ( I know it sounds harsh). With an open heart I had to be honest and consider if continuing those relationships helped or hurt me. Sometimes we keep relationships that we don’t need forever just like that T-shirt, somehow your still holding on to it and you don’t know why. This step was extremely hard because in most of those relationships I had never even considered myself and how I felt— I know that sounds nutz. In all truthfulness I had collected friends that were only my friend when they needed something, or wanted something of me. The relationship had gone in that cycle for so long that it felt more like an obligation than anything else
By now, you know I love a good saying right? “People treat you how you allow to be treated” , basically the long and short of that is people learn what you will and will not put up with and go from there. So all these years for 1 friendship I allowed it to be 1 sided, it wasnt truly the other persons fault that they only reached out to me in bad times because I really hadnt spoken up for myself in a way that they would see that it bothered me. Same with family, I had this one cousin that I adored but over time the only time that cousin reached out was if they needed money or something. Me not sticking up for myself or setting expectations basically left me in 2 relationships that were hurting me internally and no longer served me.
Now I didnt do anything crazy like sending a memo to say “Hey we arent friends/family anymore”, but I did start to take steps in what I allowed to curve how I was being treated previously. In both of my examples, the friend and the cousin I was honest with each of them. I told them exactly how I felt about the relationship and for 1. they were completely unaware (which I was too until I started evaluating) and we are working on ways to be better friends to one another and for the other it wasnt perceived as well and you know what? Thats ok because I was honest to them and myself and at the end of the day the relationship that is most important to me is the one that I have with myself.
Adulting is hard. Cleaning your closet, car, social circles and acquaintances are all HARD but oh so necessary in leading the best life that you can lead. Im all about shaving off the excess and the things that dont serve me. If it doesnt bring you happiness, love or joy why on earth do any of us need it?
