Personal Growth

Guilt Cycle +Authentic Living

You know what I miss most about being a child, other than the obvi (bills, food, no real responsibilities)? I miss letting sh*t go! As a kid I didnt dwell on mistakes that may have happened or things that I didnt do well. Pre- middle school, it was all Salior Moon, My Little Pony, Are you scared of the dark? + so forth. If something went wrong, I felt remorse, apologized and moved on.

Humans are the only species that continue to pay for past transgressions or mistakes. Think about it, remember a time when you made some sort of mistake or miscalculation that you completely and 100% take accountability for i.e owning up to as a yea that was on me. When you think back on the situation do you feel a ting of guilt or the feeling you felt when you realized you made said mistake?

For years I beat myself up over a failed relationship. Replayed every moment, argument, good time/bad time in my head over and over in one form or another over the course of 5 years. I continued to pay for my mistakes as well as live in that moment causing me to hold myself back. I felt the whole range of guilt, guilt of staying when I should have left, guilt of actually leaving (giving up) the relationship.

The ironic thing about the “Cycle of Guilt” is it can be a shared experience. It may not be something that you personally sit around thinking of but maybe its something someone else brings up. When I was a kid pre-middle school days, I loved going to our family reunions in the summer. It was a time when ALL the family came together, and I do mean ALL ( talking 5th, 6th, 7th cousins deep).

It was a day where we got to run around with our cousins, eat good food, dance to music + just be free to be kids. Later in life I began to dread being dragged to these events. Now dont get me wrong I loved still kickin’ it with my cousins, but what I didnt like were the moments when someone would start bringing up someone else’s past. Just like clockwork after its been a few hours + dranks have been flowing, one aunt would say something to the other aunt or one Uncle would remind you that you were fired on your day off and BAM! Just like that you are thrown back in that cycle of guilt, judgement and embarrassment.

For some people, (myself included) we guilt ourselves over and over a thousand times a day. Guilt on how much I spent, what I ate, what I didnt get done, what I did get done, how it was done and the list can really go on and on. Setting up expectations (unrealistic) + not truly being honest with myself are my personal ingredients to my guilt cycle cocktail.

The mind is such a powerful tool that truly our very own happiness is in the palms of our own hands. Wild right? In the end the “sparkle” of being pre- middle school is that whole letting that ish go right? We have that ability right now! We have the ability to kick all the guilts to the f*cking curb! Bye Mom guilt, so long body guilt, get the hell outta here money guilt, and you know what? Career guilt, you can kiss my ass!

Today I am empowered! I have the ability to be EXACTLY who I am with no apology. How ever many more days I get on this earth I will live it un-apologetically. I will be who I am, if that means I change my hair to wild and crazy colors I will! Because who really gon check me boo?!??!?!? On this side of 30, there is a true understanding as to how fragile life truly is + I am coming to the realization that I dont know how many more trips around the sun I will get. Life is much too quick to be anything but ridiculously happy + satisfied. Go out there + live your life my friends and let that guilt sh*t go! Live, Laugh, Love.

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