The Birth of Sittin’ Crooked, Talkin’ Straight
The idea to start a blog was actually born 5 years ago and like most great ideas, I had every intention on following through with it but life. Life got in the way and I just kept saying, I’ll do it next week or I’ll start at the top of the month or whatever excuse I could come up with. Those little push backs added up, weeks turned into months, years and here we are 5 years later and I have finally taken the step. Now mind you, this blog has nothing to do with becoming Insta famous or recognized in any manner like that, this blog now is really me doing something that I *knew* I should have been doing 5 years ago but couldnt follow what my intuition was telling me. Have you ever experienced that? Knowing that you should be doing something different with your life, career or family but being too worried about the “how’s”? I am terrible at that. If you ask my husband Im sure he will tell you its a control issue, but I get so boggled down on all the steps between point A and point Z that I lose focus on the actual journey to get there. Everything doesnt always have to be worked out to the “T”, its nice when it is, but lets be honest even in those moments there is always a wrench thrown in the plan that causes you to have to pivot somehow.
That wrench, in Oct 2018 was my very last straw that made me question everything about who I was and who I was showing My Girl (DramaTween) to be. In Oct 2018 after suffering a major pay cut of $5 an hr at my virtual workplace we were informed in a meeting that even more changes could be on the way that would be devastating–I know what your thinking what the hell could be more devastating than losing $5 an hour lol. Im not gonna go into the details about that part, because that part isnt the beauty of this story. The beauty of this story is that conversation with the team made me for the 1st time in my 34 years question what the hell was I even doing. Now mind you, on the very best days I love my virtual job (dont love the pay as much now) but out of the grand scheme of things I could be doing for money (Ill let you draw your own visuals) this job is nothing to sneeze at by far. I have had the pleasure of working with this company for 6 years, during a time that I was a single parent. This job has provided me with so many opportunities to be present in My Girl’s life as well as work around her schedule and for that I am FOREVER grateful and will never say a bad word (even though they took $5 an hour lol, yes Im butt hurt STILL).
At any rate the conversation in Oct made me question who the heck was I? My Girl (DramaTween) has wanted to pursue showbusiness her entire life. Seriously, this girl has the guts and balls to dance, sing, act in front of anyone who will listen or watch. She has been in the spotlight since she was 5 years old with dancing and so forth. I watch her sometimes in disbelief at how aggressively she pursues what makes her happy. I wouldnt be honest if I didnt say at that I was a little jealous that she had a clear idea of who she is and what she wanted and went after it. I mean we stay up late going over lines, she goes to school 2 hours before the bell for rehearsals and stays sometimes 2 hours after for more rehearsals. Like where did this kid and her drive/determination come from? Meanwhile her mom, working for a company that can make changes at any whim and though she likes her job it isnt that same kind of deep down love passion My Girl has for all things broadway. I had to be honest with myself. I had been lying to My Girl for far too long. Telling her to follow her dreams, to not take no for an answer and to work hard. All awhile Im over here pushing my dreams off to the next day or week ect. I made a decision, I needed to have that same determination, I needed to not just tell her to follow her dreams but I also needed to do the same and show her.
The day that I came to this realization is the day that something else was birthed inside of me. A tiny annoying seed that I already knew what I loved and what I enjoyed doing, the jig was up I really couldnt bs my way out of this any longer. Sittin’ Crooked, Talkin’ Straight is exactly what you imagine. When you are really deep in a conversation, no longer bs’in around you tend to lean in into the person you are talking to. Maybe your leg is crossed, but when you mean business you are all up in there eye contact and body language fully engaged with the person you are talking straight with. That’s what you will find here my friend, me leaning into you and being completely honest with the good, bad and ugly.