What I Kept
A few weeks back I announced that I walked away from the retreat + a partnership I believed in. One of my biggest dreams. I told you how I would much rather lose a deposit + refund the women who signed up than host a day somewhere that was no longer aligned. I meant it then. And I most definitely mean it now, with my full chest.
What I didn’t tell you is I had to reach out to each of the women that said yes to the day. It didn’t feel right sending a blanket email + refund. Each of these ladies believed in my dream + invested in it without question so I really wanted to be intentional about what was said before anything at all went public. I went through the emotions + landed somewhere between sadness, disappointment + feeling like I was letting folks down. That part was the hardest part.
Then there was quiet. The date I had been building for the last 6 months turned back into a regular ole Sunday.
Truth Moment?
Cancelling something that you believe in does NOT feel like integrity when you’re doing it. It feels like losing. Mixed with a little regret. Like couldn’t I have just pushed past the red flags, my gut feeling + just continued as planned? I mean, things were paid for. The weeks that followed didn’t feel too great either, because now what? What’s next?
I will tell you this, now that I am on the other side of it all. The integrity will show up. It shows up later when all the dust settles, mostly when you begin to lift your eyes up again + look around to notice what’s still standing.
So here is what I kept after the dust cleared.
What I Kept After Walking Away From a Partnership
I kept the women. Not as buyers or customers. As women who raised their hand for a day on the land with me before it even existed. That part told me the need was real + there were women out there that had the same thoughts, walking the exact same path I was on 10 years ago. Reflecting now, I can’t even say that the container was wrong. It really was misalignment in what I believed was a partnership.
I kept the vision. Us getting back to the land truly was part of the medicine. Part of the nervous system regulation, the overall experience. A weekend on the land, with women who are tired of being handled in pieces. It’s still on way, in 2027, somewhere I trust. Somewhere aligned with the shared values.
I kept the lessons. Whew, I always joke that as a business owner there are many lessons + some of the biggest ones have a cost that is so unexpected. Time, money + effort. Honestly this lesson was much more practical than poetic. I won’t cultivate something this important banking on a partnership that I can’t count on again. I absolutely will listen to my intuition + I won’t ignore when things don’t feel quite right. That’s some structure that was missing.
The Tool: Write Down What You’re Keeping
If you are walking away from something right now, no matter what it is, try this. Before you grieve all of it, write down what you are keeping. The people, the lessons, the vision. I promise you once you write that down your list will be much longer than you think. And while there still may be a level of grief, being able to see what you keep makes a huge difference in how you are able to move forward.
The last piece I kept, I hold very dear to my heart. I kept what the day was for. The reason for the season if you will. Yes the land was going to do part of the teaching, but the rest was ALWAYS going to be the women sitting in community with each other telling the truth about their bodies + being witnessed fully for the first time. That part never needed a farm. All that was ever needed was a room. I know this to be true. Y’all the outpouring of emails I received after officially cancelling was all the validation I needed.
Rooted in Her Body will absolutely happen. That I don’t doubt. And when it does, chileeeee, a time will be had.
If a whole room isn’t your jam, or you don’t want to wait until 2027, there are always other ways for us to connect. Three months, one on one, for the season your body is actually in. Starts with just 20 minutes + you telling me what’s been going on.
The work wasn’t lost in the least bit.
Come as you are, my friends. The rest is mine to carry.
XOXO
Denawa Deniece
