I Signed the Contract Anyway
There is something pretty unnerving about building something on your own.
In March I finally bit the bullet + brought forth an idea to someone. My vision. A one day retreat for ten women, intended to take place on a piece of land, the one thing that I had been circling + looking for the perfect place for over two years.
We met. It went well. My heart exploded + I left that meeting feeling like I had found a “home” + a true partner. Reflecting on that now, it almost felt how you would feel after the most perfect 1st date. So full of optimism + excitement envisioning all that was to come next.
Then I spent the next 2.5 months reaching out. Sending emails to check in. Do they still like me? Does the idea still fit? When could we move forward?
Not dramatically, but it surely felt that way. In reality I reached out in a normal way that you would when you are trying to build something on a timeline. Can we lock the date? Can I see the contract? What are the true numbers vs some estimates? Can we talk through logistics? Every time, pushed back. Not refused, just pushed back. There were many excuses. The hiring of a new team. Some of the team members not being local. No electricity. Dates being offered, not the initial ones requested. There was always something.
I started to question that 1st connection. Was what I felt real? Did that initial meeting go as well as I thought it did or was I projecting somehow? I started to get cold feet + feeling like maybe I was making a mistake.
Before I signed anything I needed to see this place in person. So in June I finally got out to the land + baybayyy I LOVED it. My hesitations + reservations disappeared when I stood on that land. I walked it, stood in it + could see the whole day happening right there so clearly. I returned home certain. This is where I would plant my seed, this is where my newest baby would grow + flourish.
The contract finally showed up at the end of July. Almost 30 days to the T of my in person visit + 4 months after my initial idea pitch. At this time the retreat was set for August + with the verbiage of the contract, the timeline did not work + they agreed to move it to September. I signed. I paid the deposit a week later.
And then I asked about planning + the marketing and was sent a calendar with six hours total a week to choose from.
When we finally met (2 weeks later in Aug), I learned that my retreat had not been mentioned anywhere. Not on their site, not on their socials, nothing. Other events were up. Mine was not. In that meeting they told me I could tag them (I had been doing that since I signed the contract in July), + they would begin marketing the event as well. They told me they really wanted my event to happen.
I checked a week later. Still nothing.
I emailed them on a Wednesday about my concerns + did not receive a response.
Truth Moment?
I am not writing this as a whoa is me or to drag anyone. I signed that contract with my whole grownass hands. Nobody made me. I wanted to be honest about what happened for me. This is the record of that honesty so I dont forget. There had been several moments in this process where my intuition nudged me to pause + to take what was happening as the truth that it was. But like anyone excited about something new, especially something that they were proud of I ignored those flags + kept pushing forward.
What I want to be clear about not just for me, but for you is this.
I kept mistaking politeness for partnership. Every pushed back meeting, every dismissal of a request, every soft yes, every vague item line on the invoice, every we are so excited, I heard it as a commitment because I wanted it to be a commitment.
Whewwww now dont that sound like that time frame after a going on that 1st date?
I had a vision + I thought I “needed” somebody to hold half of it, so I decided who somebody was. Even when they were not a good fit. My vision was always my vision. Their vision was the profit + the bottom line.
That is the part that is on me. Not the signing. The believing someone was all in with me without any actual proof.
What I actually learned
Enthusiasm is not infrastructure. Somebody can LOVE your idea down + still never lift a finger for it. Even if lifting a finger actually benefits them in a real way. Those are two entirely separate things + silly me had them filed under the same heading because of how I personally operate. I LIFT HEAVY for the things that I believe in + are enthused by.
A partner who is slow before money changes hands will be even slower after. The pattern was there in March. I brushed it off as being busy, but in reality, that was information.
The biggest lesson. If what you build only works if someone else does their part, you built a hope not a true idea.
How I am Moving Forward
So I made a decision. This isnt where I want to do this + these are not the conditions that I will ever want to work within. Rooted in Her Body means something to me. It is true medicine that women need. This experience does not take away from that fact.
I am proud of myself. I could have white knuckled + push through having this event knowing the conditions it was built under + the misalignment. But the way my integrity is set up, I could never do that. I would much rather loose a deposit + refund the 8 ladies that signed up before I host an event in a place that isn’t aligned.
XOXO
Denawa Deniece
